Monday 25 April 2011

STOP YOUR JUNK FILM DIET!

If you’ve been stuffing yourself with film junk lately, why not follow my suggestions for these healthier options? They’re every bit as tasty – but all are free from artificial sweetness, hydrogenated twats and genetically modified film stars. Best of all – they won’t leave a bad taste in your mouth, and you can tuck in GUILT FREE.


Swap ‘Burlesque’ for ‘On Tour’


Sure she can sing, but Christina clearly can’t act her way out of a recycled paper bag, and even the frozen features of Queen Cher and a glimpse of Cam Gigandet’s lovely bum can’t save this mess. No siree! – for a taste of the real glitz, glamour and sleaze of modern burlesque, it has to be Mathieu Amalric’s excellent road movie ‘On Tour’. Directed by and starring Amalric, it follows a travelling troupe of burlesque performers, a real ragtag pick n’ mix, as they travel from one crappy gig to the next all along the coast of France, passing through a series of crummy hotels and smoke-filled dives. Bittersweet and imperfect, ‘On Tour’ is a movie with real heart.


Swap ‘The Social Network’ for ‘Catfish’


Yes I know David Fincher is unbelievably cool, and he’s made some excellent films in the past. And the truth is, ‘TSN’ really isn’t that bad – but for me – ‘Catfish’ is the real Facebook movie. Who gives two shits about the millionaire geeks who wrote the html – why not see how Facebook is actually corrupting people’s lives right here right now? It’s hard to give you a synopsis of this film without ruining it – just watch it!


Swap ‘Scream 4’ for ‘Amer’


Now I’m a big-time horror junkie – always have been – so don’t get me wrong: I was looking forward to ‘Scream 4’ (or ‘Scre4m’ for the pedantic) just as much as the next person. And it was ok, in a way, though it will never beat the thrill I got from sneaking in, underage, to the original ‘Scream’ all those years ago… but anyway, I digress…

The problem with horror films these days is it’s all so oversaturated – with shite. Once you’ve seen one big-titted wench running away from the masked madman/monster/ex-boyfriend (delete as appropriate) – you’ve kind of seen it all before. You really have to have your wits about you to separate the wheat from the chaff – and intelligent, button-pressing horrors are seemingly few and far between. So how refreshing to see a film like ‘Amer’. Visually it’s something else – like Argento filtered through a haze of Gothic magic mushrooms. Plus it’s virtually dialogue free – and even I, Mr Pidgin French, still managed to follow it unsubtitled. A striking, unique, trippy, confusing, spellbinding and rewarding little film of three acts, it’s really worth seeking out.


Little anecdote time: When I was at the cinema and asked for a ticket to ‘Scream 4’ the little popcorn kid thought I said ‘Screen 4’ and promptly gave me a ticket to ‘Winnie The Pooh’ – oh the irony…



Swap ‘Sucker Punch’ for ‘Uncle Boonmee’


Well ‘Sucker Punch’ has finally been released, after what seems like the biggest build-up in history. The truth is, I already feel bored by it all... So my alternative fantasy movie for your platter is the wordily-titled ‘Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives’, a Thai film. Sure it’s slower than the kick-ass pace of ‘Sucker Punch’, but it’ll be a far far more rewarding viewing experience!

The film follows the final days of the title’s Uncle Boonmee. He lives in the remote Thai jungle where ghosts, spirits and monkey-monsters with glowing red eyes all come to life and sit around his table. A fable, fairytale and gentle rumination on the meaning of life and death, ‘Uncle Boonmee’ probably won’t please everyone – but I suggest you see it for yourself and make-up your own mind… Just as long as you don’t get offended by bestial scenes of a princess receiving oral from a catfish… you have been warned!



Swap ‘The Mechanic’ for ‘Rubber’


No I haven’t watched ‘The Mechanic’. Why? Because Jason Statham is in it, that’s why. But what I have seen is the surreally brilliant and unique film ‘Rubber’. Actually directed by Mr Oizo I kid ye not – this warped, almost indescribable film is a total blast. It follows the murderous misadventures of Robert, a car tyre who rolls around the Californian desert, blowing people’s heads off via telekinesis – all while being watched by a live ‘audience’ (who of course represent you, the viewer). I’m not making it sound too good am I? But it is, I promise!


So there we have it - why not swap some of the junk for real wholesome film today, and see how healthier you feel… you know it makes sense!

Ben Barton

Sunday 17 April 2011

££££££££££££££

It's been all doom and gloom on the arts' funding front lately - what with the sad closure of the UK Film Council and the tightening of the Arts Council belt etc... so in these frugal times I'm happier than ever to say that I've received some much needed cash from the government to keep on making the Roundeye films!

Sure it's not much, but after four years of begging, borrowing and thieving to get these films out there, it's very nice to be given a little backhander to keep on going!

So a big thanks to all the arts team at Shepway council for all their support... and to the rest of you - you're sure to see the fruits of your hard-earned tax money here very soon!


Ben Barton